Thursday, October 29, 2009

& The People Who Make Life Worth It.

I wrote this at DRA...It's called LIFE

Life Is Full of Suprises,
Many turns and many slopes,
It's filled with lots of grief,
Sadness, happiness, and hope.

Just Remember to stay postive,
In problems big and small,
the result will be marvelous
And will catch you when you fall.

I bet you are thinking,
What is my purpose here on Earth?
Remember God has a plan,
and in his eyes, he sees worth.

Whenever you feel lonely,
and tears of sadness fill your eyes,
Remember to say a prayer,
For, he will hear your cries.

Life is full of suprises,
Many turns and many slopes,
In the end it will get better,
just be positive, pray, and hope.

Ramari Rawson

Mom, You have always been there for me. Thank you for all that you do! I really appreciate everything you have done for me. I love you so much! I am so happy that we have become closer over the months. You have truely become one of my best friends and I feel like I can talk to you about ANYTHING. I know sometimes I can be a hand full but I promise Ill try to do better and work on the things I need to. I really enjoyed all the fun times we had. Going out to lunch, shopping, going to ogden to get our hair cut, etc. I hope sometime soon we will do something again. I love spending time with my mom:) You're the best and there is no other mom I'd rather have. LOVE YOU<3

Katie Skinner

Katie! I am so happy we started talking again. I know in the past we went through alot and became distant as friends...But as years went by we realized what we did was stupid! I Love you so freakin much. You have been there for me alot when I was down and helped me through it. I remember when we used to play mario sunshine for hours a day. We used to be obsessed with the shine sprites. I remember when we got in to neopets and became neopet freaks:) We also made creatures of our own and we loved it. We used to laugh about the stupidest things. haha. I loved it how we would sit and watch tv or a movie and play the tickle game. We loved tickling eachother because it felt amazing. (good ol middle school days) You really know how to put a smile on my face and to think more postively. I can't wait until we get to see eachother again! Hopefully, it won't take years...haha. I am so happy that you are doing good. You are one of my best friends and you always will be! love ya chica.

Ivanna Sanchez (aka MY TWIN)

Twin, I want to start this off by saying I LOVE YOU!!! You are another reason why I started my blog. Words couldnt even describe how happy I am that I know you. I loved talking to you every sunday about boys, school, facebook, DRA, LIFE. Sooner or later we finally began hanging out and it was the best! I remember we had a sleepover like 3 days straight. We never get sick of eachother:) You are my twin, sister, and best friend. Spending time with you, allie, and stevie at Youth Conference was prolly one of the best weeks of my life. We were always joking around and having fun being crazy us. I remember our inside jokes, especially..I AM SQUIDWARD, and how we used to say it ALL THE FLIPPIN time we prolly annoyed everyone..he he. I remember the talks we used to have about the different boys in our lives. I remember how you used to tell me I should marry your brother so we could really be related haha. We have so many memories!I love you! Thank you for being there for me. Im sorry for the times I was being a will always be my bestie and twin.<33


Sunday, October 25, 2009


For What It's Worth
By Karen Millet

Today I'm learning
To stand on my own two feet.
Today I'm understanding
That our paths no longer meet.
Right now it's still so hard
For us to be apart
But you will forever
Reside within my heart.
Maybe this is not
Our final sad good-bye.
Maybe someday we
Can give it one more try.
Life isn't always
Exactly what we thought it'd be,
But for what it's worth,
I'm finally happy being me.


We either love the word or hate the word. Relationships can make us or break us depending on how we work on them. When you hear the word "relationship" you automatically think "oh a boyfriend or a girlfriend" but that is not the case. There are many different kinds of relationships. A relationship with your parents, friends, relatives, brothers and sisters, are all included in this area.


So many people these days are worrying so much about having a boyfriend or girlfriend that they lose sight of what is most important in their lives. If you're always trying to go out and find a boyfriend/girlfriend you most likely won't succeed. Why? Because when your life is boyfriend/girlfriend centered you don't care about anything else in life you just care about having that special someone. Balance is so important in life! What is Balance? well there are many different "centers" you can focus on. Whether it's school, family, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, sports, work, religion, etc. All of these are good, but when one area is focused on more than the rest, it becomes a problem.

In a future post, I will talk more about Balance and how to work on balacing all areas of your life.

Now back to the topic of Boyfriend and Girlfriends....

Are you the kind of person who goes out on a first date and think, "OH, he/she is going to be my boyfriend/girlfriend. They are perfect, I'm already falling for them!"
Hold up! you are too forward and NEED to learn to take things slower! If you do this, you probably find that you are always getting your heart broken and you can't seem to find what you do wrong. Well, everybody's perspective on relationships are different. Not everyone may take things as fast as you and being forward scares people away. Committment is hard for many people. That is why it is so important to take things at a slower pace and see where it takes you. Don't get all upset if it doesnt work out. Like I said in my last post, Whatever happens, happens for a reason! Every challenge makes you a stronger person. You need to learn from it, think why it didnt work out in the first place, and then move on and take what you learned with you. I know it may seem hard, but I promise you, if you focus less on finding a boyfriend/girlfriend, it will come to you without you even trying. Of course it is important to put effort into making a relationship work, but if its your only focus in life, it WILL NOT WORK OUT. This is a two-way street and not a one way street. Both partners need to put effort into making it work. Communication is key.

Are you the type of person who shys away from anything that has to do with a relationship? You're on a date and your date talks about FEELINGS, or RELATIONSHIPS, or MARRIAGE!?!? And then you run. You DO NOT like commitment and the thought of being tied down gives you the chills. Don't worry my friend, alot of people are just like you. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be in a serious relationship. Everybody is different and we all move at our own pace. If you are between the ages of 16-21...there is no need to rush! When you are married, you are married FOREVER! Have fun dating and it is totally up to you if you want a casual, serious or whatever kind of relationship there is. As you know, dating is a way to get to know what kind of person you want to spend your life with. The more you date, the better of an understanding you'll have of what you really want. If you are the kind of person who runs when your date talks about relationships, maybe not run so quick. Talk to your date about how you like to take things slow and that you're not ready for anything too serious. More than likely, you're date will understand. If not, then maybe you two arent right for eachother. Move on and find someone who fully respects your decision.

Relationships With Family, Friends, & Anyone Else

Healthy relationships are so important to have. Instead of worrying about your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend, try focusing on your relationships with your family and friends as well. Your family will always be there for you, maybe not your boyfriend/girlfriend. Spend time with your family and friends. Don't forget about anyone because you have found that special person. If you dont have a good relationship with your parents...then WORK ON IT. Talk to your parents about it and tell them you want to become closer. They will be more than happy to help work on it with you. Maybe go out with your parents and do fun activities together. Tell them about your day, Bring them home a card or something that shows them you care. Anything will help! My parents have become one of my best friends and I find that Im alot happier. Maybe you don't get along with your brothers and sisters? Well once again...WORK ON IT! Try doing the same things I talked about with the Parents. the more quality time you spend with them, the closer you will get. Find out some of your brother/sister's favorite things to do and go do it with them. They will love it! Even if it is something you would NEVER do...try it! Just have fun with them. That is what is most important.
If you are having trouble getting along with your friends...find out what causes it. Maybe they feel like they are being replaced by your boyfriend/girlfriend, or just another friend. Balance out your time with your friends. Maybe your friends are friends with eachother...then that shouldnt be a problem! Just Spend time with all of them! I know it's hard to meet new friends for some of you, but if you want a friend, be a friend. Treat others how you would want to be treated. When you do, you will find that your relationships will become alot healthier. Your friends are important so never push any away, especially those close to you. Of course everyone gets in fights, but don't be unfair. Talk to them and tell them what bothers you. Give them constructive feedback and tell them to give you some in return. Then you will both know what you need to work on as friends.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Where I was for almost nine months.....

check it out if you're interested

uh happiness?


We all hear the word, we all want it, but we don't know how to obtain it the RIGHT way.

The Fray

Happiness is just outside my window
Would it crash blowing 80-miles an hour?
Or is happiness a little more like knocking
On your door, and you just let it in?

Happiness feels a lot like sorrow
Let it be, you can’t make it come or go
But you are gone- not for good but for now
Gone for now feels a lot like gone for good

Happiness is a firecracker sitting on my headboard
Happiness was never mine to hold
Careful child, light the fuse and get away
‘Cause happiness throws a shower of sparks

Happiness damn near destroys you
Breaks your faith to pieces on the floor
So you tell yourself, that’s enough for now
Happiness has a violent roar

Happiness is like the old man told me
Look for it, but you’ll never find it all
Let it go, live your life and leave it
Then one day, wake up and she’ll be home
Home, home, home

The past few years, I have been struggling to be happy. I would always find the negative side of things and I was really reactive. I was depressed and have had issues with this traced back to when I was younger. It was around fifth grade my parents finally noticed something was wrong and took me to go see a counselor. They soon became helpless when I wouldnt respond to the medication or treatment in a positive way. Depression isn't like the blues you get every once in a while. It drags on forever and it feels like nothing will work. You lose interest in things you used to enjoy. People close to you distant themselves because not many people like to be around negative people for very long. Your life just seems to get worse and you feel like you are inside a maze, but can't find your way out. You lose sight of the light and people are telling you which way to go, but you have a hard time trusting people. You push people away because you want to go your own way. But this never works..

I was crying out for help...

Depression can be treated. DONT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF OR OTHERS TRYING TO HELP YOU!! There are many different causes of depression. The first step to treating your depression is to find out what may have caused it. Lost of a loved one, failed relationships, bad relationships, etc. Happiness is not impossible, but in order to obtain it, you have to put in effort to reaching it. Go out and get help from a nearby therapist, counselor, or anybody in that profession. Also, look in to getting medication. I promise it helps! Don't push those close to you. Try listening to what they have to say. They love you and want to help you! Start doing things that you love to do! Also, stay busy. This will help keep your mind off things you worry or stress about. If you believe in a higher power, go to that higher power for help. I am LDS so I have a belief and I go to my heavenly father for help. Praying and reading my scriptures always puts me in a better mood after.:)

Why am I talking about this? Well, Because I am still trying to find true happiness. I want to help others as well. I know what it feels like and I promise you, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I may not know you, but i know there are people out there who love you and want nothing but the best for you.

Finding My Place
By Karen Millet

I can't tell you who I am
Because sometimes I don't know.
This world at times so vast
I'm unsure of where to go.
So many different people,
We don't all fit a perfect mold.
A thousand varied voices
Though I can't believe all I'm told.
So who decides what's right?
And who decides what's wrong?
How will I know if I'm singing
The right words to my own song?
Sometimes I don't know,
The person I'm going to be
But the place that I end up
Can be determined only by me.
So I'm finding my place
One small step at a time
And I'm writing my own song
Rhyme by rhyme...

On July 4th 2008, my parents dropped me off at a treatment center in Hurricane, Utah called Diamond Ranch Academy. It was the hardest and most emotional thing I ever had to go through, but i can honestly say it was worth every minute and penny. I learned so much! I have been blessed and I am thankful for my parents for letting me go through that experience. I know a year ago I would be sayin the complete opposite, but now that I sucessfully completed the real life transition program, I look back and am proud of myself for accomplishing something so big! Not everybody gets to go through what i went through and complete it.

life is tough, but if you tell yourself, "whatever happens, happens for a reason," I'm sure you'll start to believe it:]

Friday, October 23, 2009

A lil About Me

Hey everyone! For those who don't know me, my name is Ashley Rawson. I am 18 years young and currently going to Utah Valley University. Right now I am getting my generals done, but i want to major in psychology. I want to work with children, hopefully become a therapist for them. Its something I've wanted to do for awhile now. I love helping people, so if you ever need any advice, feel free to ask me anything, or just read my blogs because you might get the answer you are looking for.